I’ve been feeling lately like I’ve been slowly pulling back from life. I’m getting by day to day, going through all the motions. But there’s no spark. I’m aimless.

I need a goal, something to focus on.I just don’t know what that should be…..

I want something that makes me excited to get up in the morning. Something that makes me smile, and makes me happy. Something  for me.

I have some thinking to do – I promise I’ll be back soon.

Thank you for bearing with me..

Thank God!

There is a definite lump, however, it is not a cyst, and not a mass. Right now, it is literally just boobie tissue. Which makes me insanely happy! It’s good to know that old fashioned Irish luck is good for something….

Of course, to be on the safe side we’re still going to be monitoring it to make sure nothing develops – especially since it did come up rather suddenly, and long after I stopped breast-feeding. Right now it is one day at a time, and I am so thankful for that

If you are a woman, please tell me what part of that previous sentence doesn’t immediately scare the living be-jesus out of you.

If you are me, you will also instantly go on Google and further scare the crap out of yourself.

Luckily, I am nothing if not a logical and overtly optimistic person. So I gathered my information and came to the internet-informed diagnosis that it is a cyst. Just. A. Cyst.

Because, logically, only 2% of breast cancer cases fall within my age range, and I did breastfeed. My birth control pills show very few effects, and I simply do not want cancer. Period.

SO! Being the occasionally responsible adult that I am, I scheduled a appointment with my OB/GYN last Friday to get it checked out. She said she did notice a small lump, deep in the tissue. And set me up for an ultrasound at the hospital.

And Proceeds to tell me she once had a breast cancer case who was 25. TWENTY-FIVE!! I am 26, and I was alllllllll good to go, find my cyst, drain it, and be done.

BUT NO! Let us go and make me believe – well, it COULD be cancer!

Thank you. Asshole.

No. For the record: no, there is not.

It is pretty much the greatest, craziest, most wonderful, most exhausting, lovely thing in the entire world.

Why? Ohhhh, so many reasons….

She is charming, coy, with an attitude of 14 years, not 14 months. She knows what she wants, when she wants it, and that time is RIGHT NOW. To see her pouty face when she doesn’t get her way makes me laugh as often as it breaks my heart. Her smile can turn my entire day around in an instant.

Poor Baby!

Oh, well, that's okay then.

She runs with wild abandon, completely disregarding her lack of balance and short little legs. I have never seen anything move so fast, and so unsteadily. And yet she rarely falls. She has figured out when her balance gets ahead of her, to slow down, take it easy, and not end up on the ground with a sore bum. Well, most of the time.

Mama's little Peanut

She’s sharper and understands far more than I give her credit for. She will chatter unceasingly in what sounds like complete gibberish – and then surprise us with a very clear “I want that!” – “Mama, up!” – “Oh, look at that!” What seems like aimless exploring and a desire to chew on any object her tiny hands can grasp, ends with her trying to put a screw  (that somehow found it’s way into her path) directly into her mouth. “No, Avi! Bring it to Mama.” And she will run over to me, with a huge smile on her face, arm outstretched, and place it safely into the palm of my hand.

But, for the record, do not think this behavior in any way applies to the electronics of our household. She is still captivated by cell phones, remote controls, XBox controllers, digital cameras, and the like. Should you daaaare to try and remove these from her, her adorable little dimpled knuckles will clench together until they turn white, and she will shriek at such a incredible decibel level that your head will spin. A full 360 degrees. Twice.

She likes to hang out upside down.

She is musically inclined. She sings to us in the car, with exceeding impatience if we do not tune it. Her favorite toy that doesn’t have batteries are drum sticks – which she will beat on every surface imaginable, and will still keep perfect rhythm. And her metal rocker face is priceless! Just don’t get in her way. She does not deliberately hit anyone with the sticks, but if you get to close, you WILL lose an eye.

Baby Rockstar

She is completely bonkers and completely serene all at once. She is not a biter (for now, thankfully!) and she doesn’t poke. Smacking is more of an issue, but it barely feels like a breeze on your arm – or my face, as is more likely to happen, tiny little peanut that she still is. She has a gentleness with animals I never would have expected. She gets excited and shrieks when she sees a puppy or a kitty, but she is sooooooo careful if they let her get close enough to touch (and after her screaming, it’s only a 50/50 chance that they will let her within 6 feet). She uses one pointed finger and gently runs it across and ear, or the top of the head. “Pet the puppy, Avi.” “Pu-ppy?! Puppy!” It’s a relief not rarely have to give her the “Be Nice” talk. Rarely, but obviously not never. That would be silly, and be jinxing myself to even insinuate it.

My Crazy Girl

Don’t worry – I’ll never go so far as to be the mom who says “my daughter is perfect”. But with all of her quirks, and flaws, and inability to acknowledge 75% of what I say to her (which she inherited from her father, but that is a story for another day), she’s still perfect for me. And that’s enough.

Christmas at Grandpa Colbeck's

Party Dress!

Meeting Great Grandma Colbeck for the first time

With her cousin Lucas. Would you believe he's over 5 months YOUNGER than her? She's a little peanut...

Poor little midget, though. We had a birthday party for her at Mikey’s parents’ place, and 3 hours before we went to go set up, she got an incredible fever. We’re talking from 99 degrees, shot up to 103 in an hour. Apparently, the gaining of molars does not agree with her system.

Party still went on, if only because my mother-in-law is a L&D nurse, and if I wanted anyone to watch over her when she’s like that – it would be her.

Birthday Princess

That dress was a gift from the MIL – she was burning up so much, that we’re lucky we got any pictures of her in it before it was stripped off. Which means: NAKEY BABY!!

Showing her some of her presents - as expected, she still liked the wrapping papers best

It was a great time – Avi made out like a bandit, and at this rate I may never have to buy her clothes again.

All for ME?!

Little Monster even had her own cake, which she promptly shoved her face into – with a little assistance from daddy, of course.

Really, ALL for me?!

Well on her way to a sugar high.

Note: never put clothes on a baby who is eating cake. Trust me – it is so much better to just throw a baby into the tub, then to get bright blus stains out of a white shirt.