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Freak out – End? December 3, 2008

Posted by Julie Momster in Uncategorized.
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So after my rant yesterday, I already feel remarkably better. Situation is still more or less the same, as Mikey is still working 60+ hours a week at his job (BTW, he’s a welder in his family’s steel shop). So he’s still stressed an cranky when he comes home. But after venting, it just makes it that much easier to deal with it. But on with the show —

In Preggo News: I am starting to get scared.

Well, I already had a healthy fear when it comes to motherhood. My mom died when I was 11, so I have less to go off of there. Plus, I am the youngest sibling by about 15 years, and all of my first cousins are in their late 30’s and 40’s. I was NOT raised around children, and really I have no idea what I’m doing there. I was never even a babysitter!

Here’s my secret: Children scare me.

I like them, don’t get me wrong. And I am beyond geeked out for my little bundle of ninja kicks to come out so I can hold her and fuss over her and spoil her mercilessly.

But I am terrified.

The only consolation I have, is that with my own child, I start with a fresh slate. I don’t have to try and work with a 5-year-old when I don’t know what 5-year-olds like. All I need to be is one step ahead – Learning together, and all that jazz.

And she’ll be mine (ALL MINE MWAHAHAHAHAHA… sorry), and who knows their child better than their mama? Or they do until they get to the pre-teen stage, but do NOT get me started and the fear associated with that one………. *shivers* Short-shorts and thongs, and oh my GOD!

I digress.

But I suppose the reason that my baby-fear has kicked up into high gear is because Rose is about to pop.

Now, I work with Rose. We were in the same training class, we have lunch together every day, and she’s a month further along than I am. Her due date is Dec. 27th, but I don’t think she’s going to be making it that far – she’s already 3cm dilated and 50% effaced. Meaning her body is ready to GO! Meaning sooner or later here… MY body will be ready to go.

To which I think – Shit.

I’m not ready to be a real mom. Being Mikey’s “Mom” is one thing – being the main source of safety, sustenance, care, everything for such a tiny, tiny person is something completely different.

 

I’m just so scared I’m going to mess it all up.

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