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Aiming Low. April 14, 2009

Posted by Julie Momster in Uncategorized.
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A single word to describe my Easter this year: Fantastic. This is largely due to the fact that I spent upwards of 16 hours in bed. IN BED! Most of it SLEEPING even!! It is also due, in a lesser amount, to candy that the baby received but cannot eat. Though I have given her a small taste of chocolate before – with astounding results:


How many licks does it take to get baby Sugar High? (I kid, I kid)

How many licks does it take to get baby Sugar High? (I kid, I kid)

Mmmmm… chocolate goodness…

That’s a little girl right after my own heart, there. Although I do fear for what her inherited sugar obsession is going to do to her already chunky little baby thighs as she gets older. Another bridge to cross, at a much later date (You didn’t really think I’d let her get into candy this early, did you? Psshhh, I may not be Super Mega Awesome Mom – but I’m not this bad)

Baby news update: WE HAVE TALKING!!

Well, kind of. In an effort to avoid the horror that is diaper change time, I now spend a good 5 to 10 extra minutes with her on the changing table, just talking and playing and pretending to eat her cutesy-wootsy widdle baby toes. This is apparently actually having some positive effects, as she’s now a virtual chatterbox. She even makes sounds that can be construed as actual words!! It’s amazing!

She’s started imitating the sounds I make, so she’s been able to “say” things like ‘hi’, and ‘Avi’, and ‘Mama’. I know, I know, she probably doesn’t realize what’s she’s saying, but it’s just so freakin’ COOL! I am the world’s proudest Mama Monster right now, I am practically beaming.

Happy, happy baby

Happy, happy baby

This is the face I get when I ask her about her big sister Izzy: “Did you have fun with Izzy? Is she your faaaaaaavorite?” *insert adorable smiles and baby giggles here*


 Everyone has heard of a “bucket list”: a list of things you want to do before you die. Yes. Very original, but always an interesting topic.

But I agree with Miss Metalia in that Michael Ian Black’s version: the “F*ck It List” is fair more interesting. Yeah, cool, the whole Blogosphere now knows what you want to do before you die: What about the things you DON’T care about doing before you die?

1. Be in a Food Eating contest. Be it blueberry pies or hot dogs or candy canes or what the hell ever, I see nothing exciting in trying to eat enough food in a short time that you vomit. Everywhere. There is no prize worth the pain of a stomach (and throat and mouth) full of Oscar Meyer, people. NO WAY.

2. Go Deep Sea Diving. This is scary. Big, black abyss terrifying-the-pants-off me type stuff. I don’t even like being over a LAKE when there’s black water below me. I mean, shit people, what is LURKING below me?! I DON’T KNOW!!

3. Ride a Camel.Seriously. They are huge, stinky, and they spit. And bitE! Holy Christ, have you seen pictures of a camel bite? That is naaaaaaaasty. No spank you, my friend.

4. Understand NASCAR.I fully agree with Metalia on this one. What is the big deal? They’re cars. They take left turns really, really fast. That’s about it. Why would I care further?

5. Stay at the Ice Hotel. It’s cold. Really, really cold. The space heaters I would require would more than likely destroy the whole place.

6. Learn a New Language.People, I have too many problems with the English language to even begin to contemplate learning a new one. Konnichiwa, my ass.

7. Bike Anywhere over 2 Miles. Why would you do this to yourself, I ask you? Those people who bike across the state of Michigan? ARE YOU MAD?! My thighs ache at the mere possibility of doing such a thing. Blech.

8. Sex on the Beach. I’ve made out on the beach. There is sand EVERYWHERE. And we weren’t even NAKED. Just knowing how bad it was with clothes makes me loathe to get sand in all the places I had (almost) protected.

9. Spend a Night in a Haunted House Alone. Why do people want to do this? I spent a night in the Villisca Axe Murder House with 7 other people, and I was scared shit-less. I don’t even like spending the night alone in my dad’s house. (Me = wuss)

10.  Visit the Holy Land. Now, I fully appreciate the history here, but in no way do I wish to meet a car bomb.


How about you?



1. Tom - April 20, 2009

Great blog, I’ll spread the word.

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